UPS & My Massive Headache

So, I know I've been mostly silent these past few weeks, and the tales of those adventures will follow, soon. I promise. However, I have something of a rant/cautionary tale to offer to those ears willing to listen.

I finally crumbled and put the money into purchasing a Kindle. Not just any Kindle, but a Free Wifi+3G with Special Offers. So, all in all, considering the $150 cost, plus shipping, it's a valuable deal. Amazon thanks me for my business, and sends it via UPS.

Understandably, I'm extremely excited. I want to see this happen. I want this Kindle so badly I can taste it. So naturally, I'm watching the tracking information like a bloody hawk. Imagine my surprise when this little doll pops up:




We don't have a front desk. Nor do I know anyone named Ruiz. That, and the fact that I received no sticky-post-it notes on the door to our apartment building turned my alerts up to ELEVEN.

First thing I do is call Amazon and report the CRAP out of what just happened.

They blacklist the missing Kindle and Luis V, who is such a helpful guy, promises that they will launch an investigation into what happened, and sends me a new one, free of charge, through one-day mail.

Awesome! thinks I, I can watch the stoop like a crazed stoop child, and I'll meet the UPS guy at the door and all will be well. It'll be awesome, and Ruiz can sit in the corner with his useless Kindle. The next morning, I call up UPS as soon as I have the tracking number, and request that Additional Directions be sent to the delivery driver (who I'm already convinced is a bloody moron) to call me on my cell phone, if he can, as soon as he arrives. Make it easy for the guy. He's obviously not too bright.

Seriously. Sadie. Ruiz. Obviously not on the same friggin' heritage scale, there, Einstein. One is Latino, one is British-Irish. I'll let you, the reader, decide which is which.

Around...I could check my phone for the exact time, but to heck with it...10-ish, I received a phone call from someone I guess who was a UPS rep. She said: "The delivery driver left it at your landlord's hair salon."

Wait. What?

My landlord has a hair salon?

I ask my roommate Margaret, who is our landlord's niece. "Does Mario own a salon?"

"What? No."

So what does Mister Helmet-Wearing Delivery Boy know that Mario's own relatives don't?

So I go hunting. I find a Dominican-style hair salon a few doors down, I go in. The lady working doesn't speak English.

Oh, I'm totally in the right place.

None of the ladies speak English at this point, I'm staring blankly, trying to recall High School Spanish when a 17-19 year old guy comes to my aid, and translates enough to confirm that, YES, they have my friggin' package! But what package is it?

IT'S RUIZ'S PACKAGE.

SON OF A GUN!

Thus, I have retrieved the original Kindle from the mysterious RUIZ! I run back up to my apartment, grab my phone, and call Amazon, to let them in on the news.

The lady I talk to says that she'll walk me through setting up the first one, taking it off the blacklist and all that, re-register it to me, and all that good stuff. Then, she says they'll call UPS to cancel delivery on the second Kindle, which is awesome! All fixed! No problems!

I open it up, pull it out and immediately read the instruction manual. I register it with my Amazon account. I test the wifi, the experimental browser, the anti-glare and lowlight capabilities. I go through and buy the five books I need for Irish Literature, pick up one book for myself, and a free download of the script for the pilot episode of 'Revemge.'

I'm riding high!

Until Margaret comes up and hands me. A frickin'. UPS MISSED DELIVERY TAG.

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

And, get this, it doesn't say "Sorry, I missed you! Will re-deliver!"

It says "Delivered to a neighbor. Victoria's Hair Salon."

Again?! This helmet-wearing dorkwad did it AGAIN?!

This guy has dropped off, not ONE, but TWO, packages worth over $150 each, to a RANDOM LOCAL BUSINESS. A local business that, mind you, has NO affiliation (outside of what this driver has implied) with our apartment building or landlord.

*facepalm*

I pick up the second package from the same people, surprisingly, they know me by now. I wonder how!

I head on over to the local UPS store and hand them the package: "Hi! This was never supposed to be delivered."

"Well, we can return it to the sender for a fee."

"No, I don't think so. This was never supposed to be delivered. Amazon put a stop-deliver on this package, I know, because I talked to them."

I went on to explain what had happened, and they exchanged the looks of "..er? What? The guy did what?"

So now, I have two Kindles, one opened and registered, the other setting unopened, and a phone number for the Latham, NY UPS distribution center. And I have to get this package back to Amazon. Somehow. Thank you, UPS, for this damned headache.